Saturday, November 2, 2013

Depth in the Desert- Part 1


Have you ever had a “déjà vu” feeling or the strange impression while seeing a place for the first time that you have been there before?

It happened to me a couple of times, but the strongest such feeling I ever had happened many years back when I was watching a documentary about the life of Saint Catherine of Alexandria. I don’t know why, but seeing this old, 8th century monastery in the Sinai desert was like revisiting places of my past; it triggered a “déjà vu” impression that kept me puzzled for days because I have never been to Egypt, nor visited Mount Sinai.

Where did these strong connections to Saint Catherine come from? Can they be traced to my sincere admiration for Saint Catherine due to her intelligence and rebellious character? It is said that, when she was 18 years old, she challenged the Roman emperor who sought to dispute her Christian ideas. Then the emperor tried to make her his mistress, and when she refused he had her beheaded. A popular story after her death holds that St. Catherine's body was carried by the angels to Mount Sinai and that the monastery there was built in honor of this event.

“Because if there's one thing that drives the Devil up a tree, it's hearing of a woman who's smarter than he is.” — Sor Juana Inés de la Cruz

What are the roots of my déjà vu feeling? Was it the oldest monastery in the world that mattered to me or was it because it was remotely hidden in the desert?

The desert never ceases to fascinate me with its repetitive scenes of sand, taking me into a contemplative state and allowing me to let go of images and pictures of the present.

"What makes the desert beautiful, said the little prince, is that somewhere it hides a well..."  — Antoine de Saint-Exupéry (The Little Prince)

Similar feelings happened to me when I first heard “A Horse with No Name,” a fascinating song about going through the desert on a horse with no purpose in mind, no worries, nobody but oneself and nature. It was strange how this song sounded so familiar to me, as though I have been singing it for years.

What made that song so special to me? Perhaps it is because of the nameless horse, reminding me of my desire to go on my own way, against the stream, refusing prejudices and letting me escape my reality. Thus I can get away from all the chaos and pressures of urban life to a peaceful and quiet place where I can experience a time of clarity, listen to my thoughts and find my true identity.

"Where are the people?” resumed the little prince at last. “It’s a little lonely in the desert…” “It is lonely when you’re among people, too,” said the snake."  Antoine de Saint-Exupéry (The Little Prince)

What made that song so familiar to me? Is it because I eventually have to come back to my everyday reality and face my problems? Here I am a rebellious soul, dreaming of escaping my reality on a journey through the desert, but forced by my equally strong mind to come back and fight my demons and fears.

What made that desert song so powerful to me is that my illusionary journey through the desert is a one of self-discovery and clarity that made me realize, and from an early age, that running away from my troubles does not lead to any kind of resolution, since they will come back and become worse over time. I realize it’s better to face any difficulty and fight it as it occurs.

“Inner silence promotes clarity of mind; it makes us value the inner world; it trains us to go inside to the source of peace and inspiration when we are faced with problems and challenges.”  Deepak Chopra


*Drawing by Hoda Maalouf

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